I Must Be Crazy About My Child

Be Your Child's First Teacher and Foremost Advocate

© Musue N. Haddad

October 2011 was an exciting month that brought wonderful new experiences, great challenges and tremendous opportunities and remarkable victories in my personal and professional life. And on the platform of both my personal and professional life, my son is the shining star! So, when there are victories, they begin with him; and when there are challenges, I am out there like a mother bird protecting her little one.

At the threshold of the month of October, we attended the 50th Years of Peace Corps celebration in Washington, DC with my sister and friend, and “Mother’ to my son, Ms. Sarah Morrison. Mrs. Morrison had been on overseas assignment, and we had not seen her for over a year. Our get-togethers as always was filled with excitement, with Michael apparently trying to “catch up” with Mrs. Morrison. My son had been in constant communication with Mrs. Morrison by way of writing a once in a while old fashioned letters sent through the United States postal system.

Another big celebration during the entry of the month, was my reunion with an old family Friend; a peace Corp family who had known my family. Presently based in New Mexico, Mary Pat Kraemer, and her husband, Rich Kraemer had worked in my hometown in Lofa county during the 70’s. The Kraemers were good friends to my parents, and had being a part of my childhood years. My reunion with the Kraemers was a celebration that was hearty and also emotional. They gave me, (Musue Haddad) a child of my people, several crafts, including woven baskets and bags, hand designed clothes, and woven materials they had received as gifts from my parents and people from my village – gifts they cherished and had preserved for several decades.

Mary Pat Kramer then turned over to my 7 year old son Michael, a 40 year-old book, published by A Doris Bank- Henries. The book contained Liberian folktales and stories, and was bought by the Kramers while on duty in Liberia. Michael was excited, and held firmly to the book throughout the evening, and has always referred to the book for evening stories.

The month of October also brought closure to the educational challenges my son faced. Having applied to Home School my son for the school year(which was challenged by his school), I already had a stimulating curriculum that includes core subjects and enrichment programs for 2nd grade. The curriculum also includes materials for areas where he needed to grow, and resources for areas where he is glowing. For example, in the home school package, there are materials to help him review skills for first grade, and work materials to challenge him in areas where he is ready to be introduced to grade three lessons. Most importantly, my heart smiles when my son begins questioning, and showing interest in his world. That because, I have no doubt, like Eleanor Roosevelt said the best gift to a child is curiosity.

Being “irrationally crazy” (Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner’s terminology) about my son, and recognizing the setbacks and lapses in the U.S School system, (at least the ones I tried), I decided to home school my son. Since embarking on this course, I am glad I decided to assume my essential roles in the nurturing, development, and education of my son, rather than allow the state to nobly, innocently, or maliciously fill the void. Over the years, I recognized that the System is aware that those who control what young people are taught and what they experience - what young people see, hear, think, and believe - will determine the future course of the system. Therefore, rather than have my son turned into a "remote control,” to meet the needs of the system, I remain resolute in being fully involved in my son's life, and to encourage him to be creative.

As his mother, and being a teacher, I see my role in my son's life as providing him the environment to learn, grow, and being able to fulfill his God-given destiny as my foremost duty and responsibility. Abdicating that responsibility to the self-defeating public organization is not an option. In that light, I began preparing to become my child’s first teacher and his first advocate from the moment of his birth. Though my son went to a District of Columbia’s publicly funded school every day, I continued to nurture, teach and raise up my son, and not completely hand over those responsibilities to the system.

My role in my son’s life help me to monitor his activities during the period he was away from home. I monitored his acedmic performance. I also kept a watchful eye on his daily responses, and how the school’s activities and interactions impacted his life - whether negatively or positively. By monitoring my son’s activities during his school days, I became aware of the subtle and or glaringly opened threats and dangers my son and other kids faced during their hours in schools. Some of the dangers include safety issues, bullying by teachers, school staff and students, streamlining and marginalization based on stereotypes, prejudices, biases, racism. There are also the political and economic factors that can severely inhibit the development of children.

In an attempt to protect my son from those dangers, I took on the responsibility of being his advocate. As his mother, his advocate and teacher, I learned to build in protections for my son. Most of all, I also learned that it was necessary as parents and families to reclaim our roles as authors and architects of providing healthy and secure environments for our children, a role that no public school or public system can provide or replace. After making that decision and taking measures to be the lead teacher in my son’s life, our sojourn into our new life started.

Early in October, we travelled a lot, as part of our teaching and learning program. Throughout our travel, we discussed people, places, and things, and also reflected on his old school. While initially, I was concerned that my son would need a great deal of time to transition, I had carefully told him that he would be going back to his old school in 2015. Contrary to my fears, my son has become greatly involved in our community, and shown a light-hearted atmosphere to the teaching and learning processes. He is also blissfully quenching his thirst for exploring the beauty of nature – playing in the fields without constant restrictions, reading about animals and seeing animals, among other activities.

Later in the month, we were hosted by another friend and sister, MW, commonly referred to as "General." We have been at MW's home for some time, and Michael roams the home like he's the 'Commander.' But then, he's aware that General is in charge. We will be moving into our own apartment in the next few days. In our present environment, my son is engaged in community activities, and has become “the new boy on the block.” Whenever he‘s asked whether he’s returning to former school, my son runs to me pleading, “I don’t want to go back. Please let’s stay here and go back in two thousand one hundred.” His pleads provoked me and others to hearty laughter.

So what is happening in the teaching and learning of my son? A lot more than I can count. The results are overflowing, and my eyes tears with joy at the progress and overall development of my son. As a parent, who’s “crazy” (Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner’s terminology) about my son, I am grateful to God for his blessings, and thankful to Ms. Helaine Zinaman for her confidence in me, and in advocating for my son’s best interest while he was in the public school system.

I believe that parents and families must take the full lead in the education of their children. This is important, because children need to feel the presence of “love/care’ during the teaching and learning process. Education cannot take place in the absence of compassion and empathy. A healthy environment, and confidence in a child’s potential is essential for healthy learning and development to take place. As a former teacher and public educator, I am aware that a secure and nurturing environment is provided by the experience and knowledge of being loved unconditionally, independent of how one achieves, regardless of scores on test, outer appearance, economic status, or background.

An environment free of prejudices and bias; an environment that holds some amount of affection is healthy for learning for many reasons. Psychologist Bronfenbrenner would probably agreed that such a secure “nested environment” filled with unrestricted love is the best soil in which children can develop, learn, and thrive.

In addition, Christians and those, including myself who believe in instilling moral values, and character traits in the education process, many will agree that a child in such healthy environment would experience in that environment the love of God, and, as a natural outcome of experiencing such love through significant others who are “crazy about him/her,” the child would then transfer the experienced love to others freely.

I see my son and other children as God’s homework assignment to parents. I believe that as human beings, we are incapable of creating human beings, and therefore must endeavor to not manipulate the life and minds of innocent children for whatever reasons. Therefore, I believe parents, teachers, school staff, and everyone has a moral and professional responsibility to contribute to providing a healthy environment where children can grow and thrive. Such healthy environment can be built through teaching, praise and appreciation and nurturing children to become resilient, filled with wisdom and happiness.

Another vital ingredient in raising up a child, from my experience is celebrating the child. If you, as a parent do not celebrate and rejoice over your child, who else would, you expect to celebrate that child? I guess I am my son’s biggest and loudest cheerleader. That is part of being “crazy,” “irrationally crazy” about my son. I have learned that parents should be their children’s greatest cheerleaders. Such uncompromising, unconditional love and constant celebration blend beautifully to create an environment that is healthy, and necessary for growth.

I cheer my son. I opened doors for him, and am teaching him to open doors for himself. I try to create opportunities for him to learn and grow, and guide him into exploring additional opportunities.


In the pictures below, I present to you some of my son’s work and activities:

To be successful, teaching and learning must not be limited to one or just a few approaches. In teaching my son, variety of strategies are utilized, including the Multiple Intelligence theory to motivate learning.




My son, Michael completes assignments at home





Teaching and learning is not limited to giving students worksheets. In teaching young children, teachers must encourage exploration, interactions and imagination as a way of stirring up curosity. As Albert Einstein said, I agreed that "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."






Play is an important component of learning and a child's development. Young children need recess and playtime. Lots of it, at the right times of the day. Withholding playtime and recess from children must not be an option in the school system.






Children need to feel accepted, appreciated and love






This is one of my son's school work at the beginning of this school year in a traditional school. Take a careful look at this, and compare to the progress he has made within the past month.






This is another of my son's school work, while transitioning from his old school.Take a careful look at this and compare to the his work during the month of October. Does environment also influence a child's mind, which is reflected in their work?






After a few weeks away from his old school, this is my son's work on October 17th.






My son's science notes in Home School.






Home School work.






Math work in Home School






Spelling in Home School





Math work in Home School






Math in Home School






Seeking the attention of Sarah Morrison. Michael is aware that Sarah Morrison is 'irrationally crazy' about him.





Mary Pat and Rich Kraemer hand over art materials they had received from my people while on duty as Peace Corps several decades ago.





A photograph of the 40 years book that the Kraemers presented to my son, Michael






I am in the back with white and black blouse. Mary Pat Kramer in purple Africa design material, Sarah Morrison (seated), Caroline, daughter of my friend Karen Lang, and Michael. Truly in the midst of family and friends.





When children receive unconditional love, they learn to embrace others and transfer the experienced love to others







Learning by exploring is important in teaching and learning. Children, like all of us are interested in the parts of the world that they believe relate to their own existence. This basic self interest must be allowed to flourish intellectually, because it can lead to a wide variety of discoveries motivated by curiosity.





Michael plays imaginary basketball. Children need substantial periods of uninterrupted time to become engrossed in their own play. During play, as we can see in this picture, Michael is using his imagination, practicing and celebrating his skills in basketball. Educators must recognize that play is a cornerstone for the education of children, because it is the one single activity that provides simultaneously for intellectual and emotional development.




The warmth of a loving hug is food for the soul. Michael and his "grandma" locked in a warm hug

Who are you: A Miracle Worker or a Dream Shatterer?

The Education and Development of Children - Are Your Hands Stained?

© Musue N. Haddad

The story of Helen Keller is one we may all know, but there are some salient points about Helen's story that we must all reflect on. They are Anne Sullivan’s belief that her student could learn, and Sullivans's dedication and disposition as a techer. We learned that Helen was not only deaf and blind from an illness, but she was also spoilt and undisciplined (like most of us parent do sometimes) by her parents. Helen Keller displayed severe temper tantrums, which may have been mostly because of her lack of language, or inability to effectively communicate. Probably out of sympathy and lack of skills, Helen Keller’s parents and members of her family accommodated, allowed and fed into Helen's lack of discipline.

I first read Helen Keller's story during my elementary school's days. Yet still, every time my thoughts zoom to Helen Keller, I continue to be amazed at how she moved from being just a deaf and blind feral child to becoming a famous author, a successful activist, and lecturer. According to reports, Helen was the first deaf and blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. Would Helen have become an author, a political activist, a lecturer without the positive outlook and higher expectation and belief of her teacher, Anne Sullivan? In Sullivan's role as Helen’s teacher, she demonstrated key qualities highlighted by two great educationalists on how good teachers positively influence the lives of their students. One of the great educationalists, Bertrand Russell, said, "No man can be a good teacher unless he has feelings of warm affection toward his pupils and a genuine desire to impart to them what he believes to be of value," and the other, Anne Lieberman said, “Great teachers empathize with kids, respect them, and believe that each one has something special that can be built upon." In here, we didn’t read that some children cannot learn and therefore those students should be isolated, or “brand named. ”No!

Before I delve further into what I appreciate and embrace from the story of Helen Keller, it's important to note Sullivan's disposition. Before discussing Anne's disposition, permit me to ask, “Have you watched “The Miracle Worker?" It is the film version of Helen Keller's story. The Miracle Worker visually illustrates Helen Keller’s life. The story depicts Anne Sullivan’s extraordinary patience and perseverance to move Helen from her world of isolation imposed by a near complete lack of language, to a world of inclusion where she (Helen) learned to communicate, blossomed, and became famous. But how did that happened? What challenges did Helen's teacher Anne Sullivan faced during the period she worked as Helen's teacher?

Over the weekend, I pulled out Helen Keller’s story as a film, “The Miracle Worker,” and watched it again. Though this was my second time ever, I was again touched by Sullivan’s disposition – her diligence, patience, and perseverance -in teaching Helen. As I watched the film, I was touched by the empathy Anne demonstrated through both her verbal and non- verbal behaviors, combined with her professional attitudes, values, and beliefs. As I watched the story of Helen Keller unfold, and studied Anne Sullivan’s role, I nodded again and again. The film reinforced my belief that in addition to subject matter knowledge, and pedagogical skills, a teacher’s disposition is important for student success. A teacher's disposition brings out the best in student, and also has long-term effects on students, even after the student leaves the teacher’s classroom.

“The Miracle Worker” provided me a visual sense and impression, at an even deeper level of Sullivan’s phenomenal dedication as a teacher. In the movie, initially Helen’s father and her brother thought Helen could not learn. Like most mothers, Helen mother was torn between her love for her child, and her role in helping Helen become successful. Nevertheless, even in the face of failures and frustrations, Helen’s mother kept on hoping. Then again, in spite Helen’s family doubt about Helen’s ability to learn, Anne Sullivan exhibited positiveness and she remained positive; she believe Helen Keller could learn.

The challenges of facing the family’s doubt, and frustrations, as well as Anne’s plan and disposition are clearly illustrated at the time of her (Anne’s) arrival at Helen’s home. At the time of Anne Sullivan’s arrival, Helen’s future was at a cross road, and contingent upon her new teacher’s role, and performance. Anne was not fully aware of the challenges she would face in being Helen’s teacher, but as the story unfolds, we see a manifestation of some compelling concepts: Haim G. Ginott, (a 1922–1973 school teacher, a child psychologist and psychotherapist and a parent educator) is quoted as saying, A teacher possesses tremendous power to make a child's (Helen’s) life miserable or joyous.” Haim Ginott continued, "I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.” In the case of Helen, Sullivan possessed the power and tools and she chose to utilize those tools and the power to see a potential beyond the superficial frustration and incongruous behavior displayed by Helen.

As outlined in the story, and exemplified in the movie, Sullivan’s arrival into Helen’s life was not only timely, but also critical, because Helen was now seen as a feral child, and there were discussions to confine her. Like today, most feral child/children are either marginalized, isolated or confined, where they experience even lesser human contact, and or have less privileges to enjoy or experience [without monitoring] everyday interaction, which are essential activities to develop and build social behavior skills and language skills. In addition to feeding into the lack of social behavior and language skills, it is well know that, in most confinement institutions today, there are increasing possibilities that residents are given Anti-psychotics drugs to curtail behaviors that are not considered “normal,” or behaviors the "experts" believed can only be cured or curtailed by anti-psychotic medications or drugs. In addition, to the possibility of anti-psychotic drugs being parts of 'treatment plans' for most kids with "emotional problems and other disabilities," recent reports published in U.S based newspaper, The Washington Examiner, and other media institutions reported investigation into The Judge Rotenberg Educational Center facility. The facility, on its website states it “has provided very effective education and treatment to both emotionally disturbed students with conduct, behavior, emotional, and/or psychiatric problems and developmentally delayed students with autistic-like behaviors.” The investigation, according to news reports, (Court indicts founder of Mass. special-education school) is based on allegation of the administration of electric shocks to kids, and the destruction of tapes that "showed school officials administering electric shocks to two teenagers." The Washington Examiner article added, "The students, including a 16-year-old from Alexandria, were dragged out of bed in the middle of the night and hooked up to electroshock machines. The student from Alexandria was given two dozen shocks to the skin, and the other was given 77 shocks while he was restrained on a flat surface for three hours. Students from Washington, DC and the metro area are among clients of The Judge Rotenberg Educational Center.

As we reflect on Helen's behaviors, it is important to ask ourselves, "Let's assume Helen was in our schools today, would she have been given Anti-psychotics drugs to curb her inappropriate behaviors, or sent to a Judge Rotenberg Educational Center that has been in operation for quart decade, and received student at a staggering cost of $227,000.00 (two hundred twenty seven thousand dollary)per child annually? If Helen Keller had lived in our day and age, and attended our schools and taught by our teachers, would she have become the author, the political activist and lecturer she became?" How would teachers, tutors, behaviorists, and case managers responded to Helen’s almost lack of language, and her temper tantrums –the behaviors we read about and saw in the Miracle Worker Film?

Given all that we have read about Helen Keller- a deaf and blind child; a child who was spoilt, ‘rebellious” and prone to constant temper tantrums, how did Sullivan transform her [Helen] into being a successful activist? What are some of the fundamental challenges Sullivan faced in reaching and breaking Helen’s world of darkness, or gaining the trust and confident of Helen? If you are a teacher, think about a “Helen” in your class, or a “Helen” in your school environment, and consider your thoughts, views and relationship with that “Helen”, or the “Helens” that comes your way, and how they (your attitude, disposition, relationship) influence that child’s or children’s development and growth, and his/her future. Sullivan’s role as Helen Keller’s teacher speaks a lot about the importance of being taught by someone who believes in you.

From my perspective, the film from beginning to end is educational and riveting both for parents and advocates who truly believe in the successful development and growth of children – regardless of their economic status, their enunciation and background. For teachers in early childhood education, it is important to see and learn from Sullivan- her ability to look beyond Helen’s behavior and see a potential, and not a child who is unreachable and unachievable. Watch Sullivan as she arrived and attempted to teach Helen to use her sense of touch/feel, and to learn to communicate using sign language. It may sound easy, but it was a challenge for both the teacher and student. Helen was uncooperative. Helen rebelled because that was what she knew. Sullivan recognized that the behaviors Helen demonstrated were behaviors she lived. Sullivan also understood that the behaviors Helen learned, adapted and demonstrated could be unlearned and replaced with appropriate behaviors. Sullivan did not begin labeling Helen, neither did she shun Helen. No! Rather, Sullivan became persistent and consistently revisited and sometimes revised her approach and strategies to reach Helen. And whenever Helen misbehaved, Sullivan saw the behavior as unacceptable, not Helen as unacceptable.

Another scene from the film that demonstrated Sullivan’s high expectation of Helen is during a breakfast scene. Even though Sullivan had taught Helen to use appropriate table manners, in this breakfast scene, Helen reverted to her old ways. Sullivan was convinced that she must be alone with Helen in order to get her disciplined enough to eat with a spoon and not with her hands.

Another scene that I found emotional and touching occurred at the well. The scene at the water pump left me in tears; I found it mesmerizing! It is at that point that Sullivan’s perseverance and determination is unmistakable. That is, in spite Helen’s continued resistance, Sullivan persisted and did not become frustrated, otherwise the permission of frustrations would have overshadowed the moment of realization, which could only be seen on Helen’s face – implicit! It was the precise instant that Helen finally understood and embraced her teacher’s lesson, and messages. The teacher continued to pump water, while she pulled Helen’s hand under the flowing water as she (the teacher) spelt the word “w a t e r” in Helen’s palm, and then pulled Helen’s hand to the water pump and spelt the word “p u m p.” When that moment of realization arrived, the dark isolation of Helen’s world was transposed to a floodgate of light, and the water jug fell from Helen’s hand and broke! The jug broke into pieces, Helen’s dark wall collapsed! Had Sullivan lost her focus, she would have missed that instant. It was a instant that was not only crucial but a ground breaking transformation: Helen was released from a world of darkness and isolation to a world of inclusion and celebration. Imagine if Sullivan had interrupted Helen’s thought by expressing frustrations over her resistance, or for breaking the water jug. Sullivan did not allow Helen’s resistance to frustrate her efforts and determination. Sullivan did not also allow Helen's resistance to let her emotions to rise, which would have interfere in the methods she had chosen to teach Helen. Sullivan maintained a positive outlook, and understood the importance of relationship in bringing out the best in her student(s), and that focus and relationship help her [Sullivan] to see the transformation as it took place in her student's world.

Anne Sullivan broke the chain of darkness and isolation that engulfed Helen Keller's world, because of her positive disposition, and conviction that her student could learning. Like most teachers, Sullivan’s subject knowledge and pedagogical skills made the learning experience fun and meaningful. However, unlike most teachers, Sullivan was aware that relationships - what is said and not said, and the messages that are given about values and expectations – is an important tool that influence student success. In the process, Sullivan knew as a teacher, she had the opportunity and power to make Helen or mar Helen’s life, but she chose the latter!

At the end of the film, I became even more convinced that Annie Sullivan went to bed every night thinking of ways to help Helen become successful. She planned, strategized and redesigned her lessons and activities to fit the needs of her student. Certainly, Sullivan’s vision aligns with the famous Indian Proverb, "Every time you wake up and ask yourself, "What good things am I going to do today?," remember that when the sun goes down at sunset, it takes a part of your life with it." Sullivan undoubtedly saw the good in every child, and she was determined to make a positive difference in the lives of her student- her students before Helen, and in her role as Helen’s teacher.

I wonder if there is any Anne Sullivan out there today, and if there are any “Anne Sullivans” in our world today, are they encouraged, supported or allowed to work with the “Helen Kellers” in our schools and communities? If the Sullivans of today are not allowed to used their perseverance, patience, and dedication to help the Helens and other children, who will benefit from such dedications, disposition and miracle, let’s take a step back and ask ourselves, "How many dreams are shattered in the process of isolating or confining, marginalizing and labeling of the Helen Kellers in our society today?" How many institutions are benefiting from the labeling, streamlining, confinements and the use of Anti-psychotics drugs as parts of treatment plan for the Helens who are struggling to be understood, heard and given a chance to break loose from the world of darkness to a world of celebration? Most of all, how many hands are stained in the process of shattering the dreams of children who Helens?

In raising my child, (not only my son, but all children) I am reminded of one of Helen Keller’s statements about the beauty and power of education and a confident teacher. Helen Keller said, “Have you ever been at sea in a dense fog, when it seemed as if a tangible white darkness shut you in and the great ship, tense and anxious, groped her way toward the shore with plummet and sounding-line, and you waited with beating heart for something to happen? I was like that ship before my education began, only I was without compass or sounding line, and no way of knowing how near the harbor was. “Light! Give me light!” was the wordless cry of my soul, and the light of love shone on me in that very hour.”

As a mother, a teacher and advocate, I see in every child a “gem” waiting to be unveiled, embraced and nurtured. When I see a child, I see a “bowl” waiting to be filled, when I interact with a child, I am guided by the Chinese proverb, “A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark,” and I see that interaction as an opportunity to make each child feel loved and unique, and that they too can become great. My desire is to “give light” not only to my son, but to each child that comes my way. I hope that my interaction and my “touch” will continue to make each child feel accepted, loved, to open a flood gate of light that will help child realize their full potential. I love children, and hope for each child that which I hope for my son.

When the Teacher becomes the Bully - The Cases of Ms. Lee Burke and Ms. KR

Have you ever asked yourself what happens if the teacher becomes the bully? What happens to kids who are bullied in the classroom, or the school environment? But then again, aside the kids who are bullied, what happens to the kids who witness, or are exposed to the bullying? They may be on the sideline (spectators), but this time, rather than being sporting spectators, they are witnessing one or more of their classmates, or school mates being bullied.

As you reflect on the scenario, think about it in what ever form: moderately, mildly, or harshly, but take the time to mull over such situations, because many parents and advocates are beginning to ask “Is bullying and attacking children a sign of the Times.” So I urge you to think about this; become practical in your thoughts, if necessary; jot down your thoughts. You may decide to take a piece of paper, draw two columns. In one column marked: Kids Bullied, jot down what comes to mind. Let your mind roll; think about issues ranging from mental, physical, emotional and spiritual issues that may arise as a result of bullying. In the second column marked Kids Who Witnessed Bullying, write down what comes to mind. Let your mind spin on the subject, and write down everything that comes to mind on the subject. Remember to jot down your thoughts freely; it’s not the time to edit what comes to your mind. Later, you can edit what you have written on the paper, and maybe shift ideas from one column to the next.

As you reflect on the issue of bullying in the school environment, I want to remind you that there are schools who have drafted strong policies against bullying. While some of the policies are effectively implemented in some areas, others have either been lackadaisical in implementing the strongly worded policies, or they simply put the policies on their shelves. However, there are other schools who have not or basically not taken any strong measures against bully. Some of these schools that have not taken a formal approach against bully may simply believe that it is general knowledge that bullying is prohibited, and not because they tolerate bullying.

We have read a lot about bullying, we have seen a lot and probably witnessed some bullying as we moved around school environments and the community. In the newspapers, we’ve read about students committing suicide because of being continually bullied. We have read about students dropping out of school because they were continually bullied, and we have seen students interest in school wear away, and their interest in learning diminished. Most recently, in February 2011, we read and heard the story of a first grade teacher in Montgomery County who was arrested on charges that she assaulted nine of her students at Greencastle Elementary School in the Briggs Chaney region of Silver Spring. The story was aired on the local media, and published in several newspapers.

The Gazette newspaper wrote "Susan Lee Burke, a first-grade teacher who has worked with Montgomery County Public Schools since 2001, choked, kicked, punched and scratched students in her class from Dec. 1 through Dec. 31, said Montgomery County Police spokesman Capt. Paul Starks. All the students were between 6- and 7-years-old, and Burke has been charged with nine counts of second-degree assault.”

As I followed the unfolding of the story, I was horrified that some parents didn’t listen to their kids who had claimed they were chocked, punched, and kicked by the same teacher. One mother said, her daughter had informed her about being abused by her teacher. The daughter said, “I told Mommy, but she didn’t believe me.’ And the mother said, ‘I thought my daughter was exaggerating.” Of course, we understand that our kids are just kids, and sometimes they tend to exaggerate, but as parent, it is important to understand, and listen to our kids. Moreover, we must learn to monitor our kids- are there changes in my child’s behavior today? What is my child doing this week that appears out of place? Does my child appear frustrated, and upset? Is my child speaking to me? Am I listening? Is my child afraid to speak to me about something? Is there a topic my child seems (openly, or wordlessly) touchy about? Is there a teacher my child is refusing to talk about? Coax, but don’t push your child to speak about something you think is important.

When I listened to stories about bullying by teachers, I wonder whether the parents did not see the warning signs, or they simply refused to see the warning signs. How did they miss the signs? Or, did parents expressed concerns to administration, but the concerns were treated lightly?

Research shows that bullying can mess up a kid's future. Young people who bully are more likely than those who don't bully to skip school and drop out of school. They are also more likely to smoke, drink alcohol and get into fights (Nansel et al, 2003; Olweus, 1993). For kids who watch bullying, they are being exposed to a form of violence. They may also see bullying as acceptable, and also begin to bully the kid(s) being bullied.

Bullying can also scare some people so much that they skip school. As many as 160,000 students may stay home on any given day because they're afraid of being bullied (Pollack, 1998). Bullied can result to physical, emotional and psychological problems. In a most recent case, The family of a Howard County student has filed a $10 million federal lawsuit against several officials in the school system, alleging that administrators failed to protect the student from bullying that led to his suffering from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. The lawsuit againt the Howard County school system is just one of many in the United States.

The UK Workplace Bullying Advice Online, in an article, “Bullying in schools,” states: “Bullying is the general term applied to a pattern of behaviour whereby one person with a lot of internal anger, resentment and aggression and lacking interpersonal skills chooses to displace their aggression onto another person, chosen for their vulnerability with respect to the bully, using tactics of constant criticism, nit-picking, exclusion, isolation, teasing etc with verbal, psychological, emotional and (especially with children) physical violence.”

After reading the above definition of Bullying provided by the UK Workplace, it is easy to see that bullies are careful in identifying their prey. They search for people who are vulnerable. In the case of teachers, as adults, the students are easy preys. Take an example of an elementary school teacher in a program my son attends. This teacher, in the past demonstrated aggression and resentment, and has continued to show lack of interpersonal skills. The teacher, Ms. KR chooses to displace her aggression onto her students, including my son, a first grader. Any attempt to speak with Ms. KR appears impossible, not only is she defensive, but her aggression and internal resentments become evident by her boisterousness, and what appears to be her readiness to use her claws on anyone who dares question her actions against selected students. Ms. KR demonstrated the same aggressive and boisterous approach when I met with her, in the presence of another parent on March 7th to inquired why she “kept my son in time out” for his "entire" recess period on Friday, March 4th, and what occured during that period that resulted to my son's frustration- a frustration that he demonstrated throughout Friday's evening and throughout the night. In her response, Ms. KR was not only defiant, but also inconsistent, loud and rowdy. Eventhough this was not Ms. KR first harssment of my son, she said she did not know my son, and therefore who I was inquiring about. Later, she said, she doesn’t remember whether on March 4th my son was set aside on the play ground during recess. But again later, she acknowledged that she put my son in time out, but said it was for "five minutes.” She added that whilst my son was in the school, she had the right to put my son in time out for recess, and do whatever she wanted. At this time, Ms. KR had gotten into my face, and speaking in a loud unruly tone challenged me to question her authority as a teacher in the school. This incident took place in the corridors of the school, directly in front of the main office, and within the hearing of staff and administrators. The following day, my son again came home, crying that Ms. KR had screamed at him, and kept him in the cafeteria for his entire recess period.

What was bothersome about March 4th situation was the manner my son behaved from the moment I picked him up, and throughout the night. When I picked up my son, he bursted into tears, and in between sobs said that Ms. KR was angry, and she had shouted at him, "Michael sit down," while the other kids played during the entire recess period. When I tried to inquire from my son further, he kept crying, "Mommy please hug me. Mommy you love me." The crying and sobbing continued, as we went through dinner, and bathtime. While in bed, the sobbing intensified, with my son calling out Ms. KR's name intermittently. In the middle of the night, my son jumped up crying, and then sobbing. This went on till morning. This frustration, and restlessness from March 4th experience bothered me, and I couldn't help but wonder what really occured that day, and what was Ms. KR's role in my son's life that frightened and frustrated him.

Imagine such teachers as Ms. KR, and Ms Lee Burke. They are not alone; there are many of such teachers, and school staff who tower above their students. For those students favored by these teachers, they are likely free of her bullying, but the unfortunate students, including my son, who are being picked on until steps are taken to curtail the situation. One can only imagine teachers who bully, including Ms KR who towers above students like a nine feet, nine inch tall giant, and snarling at the first graders like the main contender at a boxing match as she screams at the helpless students who are at her mercy. One can't help, but wonder, are other teachers and staff watching? Are there parents who witness such brutish acts carried out by Ms. KR, and feel that because it doesn’t affect their own kids, it therefore doesn’t matter? Well, for parents who feel that because their kids are not affected, that means they can turn a blind eye, they must be reminded their kids are also affected, probably indirectly. Moreover, today it may be other kids, including mine, or another person's, but tomorrow it will be their kids; maybe not at the hands of Ms. KR, but another person. And during such situations, parent and teacher who may be turning a blind eye must remember that, for every kid they stand up for today, they will be protecting their own kids for tomorrow.

If teachers the likes of Ms. KR can scoff at parents and get by, one can only imagine the treatment little children assigned in the care of Ms. KR face. She scoffs at the kids, and probably calls them names, and finds means to punish kids whose parents question her for bullying and marginalizing their children.

My first interaction with Ms. KR left me wondering about those who get into the teaching profession. On that fateful day, I realized that Ms. KR had enrolled my son in English as a Second Language Program without my prior knowledge, even though my son was clearly not a candidate for the program. When I tried informing Ms. KR that my son was not a candidate for the program, she insisted that even though my son was born in the USA, and English was a first language in our home, I (the parent) “do not speak good English.” In another incident involving Ms. KR few weeks later, Ms KR grabbed my son by his arm and shoved him in an office. This incident occurred in my presence and the presence of a staff and each of these incidents were documented individually and reported to the head of the program. There was also another incident involving Ms. KR after the shoving of my son.

In all of these incidents, I was taken aback by Ms KR’s aggressiveness and began asking myself how does such a person who completely brushes aside education policies, and drafts their own rules and lacks respect and regard for parents do get into the teaching profession? If persons such as Ms. KR can dismiss a parent in their presence, what happens to children in her care when there is no other adult present? How do such teachers like Lee Burke and Ms. KR cover their track within a school environment for so long?

It is possible that other parents and students have had some negative experiences with Ms KR, as was the case in teacher Lee Burke, but the school administration turned a blind eye to the incidents?

As I close this post, I want to ask, “Do you believe that I am sitting and watching idly as my son is being bullied, and allowing Ms. KR to feels she is above reprimand? If you think so, think twice?

Recreating My Child's Day

© Musue N. Haddad

As parents, we tend to ask our kids about their day, but we do so either directly, or indirectly. During the course of our interactions with our children, we are aware that, diving immediately into discussing events that occur during their school's day, or the day with a sitter happens naturally for most kids. However, for a few children, articulating their full day’s experience can be a challenge. Some of the challenges may include, but are not limited to the child’s inability to adequately voice their experiences and opinions, or express themselves, whether the child had an unfavorable experience; if the child feels he/she did not perform well, or perhaps he/she is just tired and or hungry.

Even though he has a wonderful teacher, I do try to get a sense of my son’s day, because it is one of the important ways of being a fully involved parent, an approach to also engaging and observing my son, knowing him and his everyday as well as understanding him.

How do I get a sense of my child’s day at school? I adopt several strategies, and the form or approach used on a particular day is determined when I pick up my son. Why do I decide the form of strategies that will applied while picking up my son? I do so base on his countenance, or expressions - both physical and emotional, as well as events that may have occurred that day. Let’s look at an example of a day that I pick up my son from school. Usually, when I go to pick up my son, he will run and jump into my arms. While struggling to keep him in my arms, he will then gently kiss me with a big warm smile and then announce, “Mommy, I got green today.” Green is his classroom’s Color code for Good Behavior, Yellow is a warning Code, and then there's Red, Orange, Purple, but may be not in that order. If I go to pick up my son, and he demonstrates such warm welcome, the strategy for reviewing his day may be minimal. Some days though, when I go to pick up my son, he may be playing with his school mates, but as soon he sees me, he will look at me without any hint of smile, and either look down, or walk to sit at the edge of a chair with a sad face. It is on such days that I try to be extra warm and loving.

My son recreated his school's Behavior colored Coded chart at home which he uses for his fluffy animals.

Though I am aware of my son’s daily schedule, that is his classes for each day, and extra- curricular activities, I still encourage him to talk about his day on our way home. I do so to encourage him to tell me about his activities, and then monitor his expressions and body reactions as he responds. “Is he responding to my questions, is he interested in discussing his day, what areas is he achy about, and what topic(s) seems to make his face glow.” I add humor, where necessary and ask with interest, “What book did you read? “Oh, that sounds like a nice book,” I will say, adding, “Did you like the book? Did you go for recess? Did you go for P.E? What did you do during P.E? Who did you play with? What did you do during Math, Language Arts?” Such questions give me an idea of where I need to work extra that evening, or during the week. If he didn’t go for recess, I may take him out to run or count the stairs in the building, or we take extra “trash” outside. On cold days, I may take him outside for about five minutes to let exercise his muscles and explore the environment.

After we arrive home, I will later delve further into specific areas of his day that may be interesting, that is the areas that he may be achy about, and areas I would like to know more about. It is during such indirect scrutiny that other strategies become applicable: For example, my son comes home, and is skimming over an issue, or he refuses to discuss an issue, I will use some of the following strategies to hopefully get him to say, or demonstrate what happened.

 While our place is filled with several writing materials, writing pads, coloring sheets, posters, and ordinary papers, sometimes I take a special (color coded) paper with a pencil before him, and ask him to draw something to put up. Usually, whatever is on my son’s mind is somehow reflected in his drawing, or writings. After such attempt, I then take the work and express the utmost admiration for the work, and then ask him to tell me what he just completed. I try not to condemn the work, no matter how bad the scene, or the coloring, or how confusing it appears. Such narration, or explanation, for me is a break through.

 Use fluffy animals, or dolls as characters to recreate the event, or scene that my son is reluctant, or unable to talk about. One animal or doll is named after my son, and the list goes on. My son will then speak about the situation, moving the dolls to demonstrate what happened, adding voice, or narration.


 We play games- role play. My son becomes the other person and I take the place of my son. But he then has to explain what I (playing my son) need to do. I allow him to begin the role play before asking, what I [now my son] did, since he is acting out the role of the other person's, while also directing me to do what he did.

 Using pictures/drawing- we both take turns to draw, or write. He becomes the director, directing me what to do to complete the drawing, and or writing of the scene.


Photo caption: On left is a sample of my son's work illustrating an event on the date indicated. As you will note, the drawing shows a lady, and few kids. My son drew the picture; identified himself, and the kids, as well as the lady. He also demonstrated what occured, and where.


 Using still cameras, video camera, and or audio recorder. Dependent on the mood of my son, I will allow him to play with his toys, and then place an audio recorder nearby, and walk away. During his play, I realize that my son mimics, and recreates some important events from his day. I allow the recorder to roll and after he his play, I will listen to the tape later. I had my son in a school environment, and this strategy helped me realize that the environment was not conducive. My son started screaming at his animals and dolls, "Get out of here! I told you to get out!” And the aggression kept increasing. One day, we role played, and I was in utter shock to see that level of screaming, and the sadness on my son’s face.

It is sometimes difficult to listen, and or look at some of the challenges our kids’ experience, but we as parents have the tools to listen and help our children during the process. The strategies can also help us to discuss some of your observations, and the challenges- if you suspect bully, with staff of your child’s school, or just document the observation, the frequency, dates, and other important information, because they may become handy for discussing, and finding solution to the problem(s).


Moreover, listening to our children, and expressing interest in their day is the first step to helping them overcome whatever situation they experience. We can do so by listening lovingly, and earnestly. As we listen, we must also watch the expressions on their faces, and their body language. At what point during the recreation process did you see a change in their expression? Do you think its okay to push further using the same strategy, or is it time to adopt another approach? Would a hug, a quiet time on the lap help? What’s about having what we come to call Home Theatre? We close the window, turn the light off, pop popcorn and sit with orange juice to watch movie. A journey in the movie world doesn’t solve the problem, but it helps take our mind off the problem for a while. When we revisit the situation, the mood is not as tense as it was earlier, or yesterday.

I learned a lot from reading, building on strategies used by others; I also learned from working with my son, and also during my interaction with other kids, as well as listening to others. As we are aware, kids respond differently, and most of the strategies mentioned above about recreating events in my son’s day are approaches that proved successful for him. Not all strategies work for every child, and kids respond differently based on their learning styles, and their growth and development. Find out what works best for your kids, and modify the strategies, and approaches to meet the needs of your child. Most importantly, love them, create a nurturing environment; even if your child can not easily and clearly express themselves, they can still communicate. Listen with your eyes, your ears, and listen with your heart.

Introduction

Hello there,

My name is Musue Haddad. I’m a mother, a professional and a problogger. This blog, one of four blogs, is in response to your request for my story, and secrets to raising my son, Michael. In this blog, I will discuss the beauty and challenges of raising my son, Prince Michael; what I learned on this journey, and how these experiences have reinforced my appreciation for being his mother.

The experiences have provided me a deeper understanding of the politics, and economics of the education system, as well as strategies to help me cope with societal demands and influences in being a [single]parent and a professional.

In this blog, I intend to use personal stories to delve in a wide range of issues, but not in the order outlined below:

. The challenge of being a single mother, and pursuing professional career
. Thrust the thrash, kick it, embrace the reward, walk tall!
. Keeping my eyes on the prize!
. The importance of being the first teacher to my child, Prince Michael
. Knowing/understanding my child - a key to everything.
. The politics and economics of the school system
. How much am I willing to compromise when it comes to my child?
. Finding a baby sitter, a school, a teacher, play mate, etc
. Single parent and vulnerability - the label attracts flies
. And many more real life experiences

As I begin this journey, I hope that my experiences, including the challenges I faced, and continue to face will give you some ideas, inspire you, and give you hope in raising your child, or as you help someone in raising a child.

Thank you for the confidence, and support. Visit my blogs and feel free to comment:

. http://musue-haddad.blogspot.com/ - satarical
. http://musuehaddad-poems.blogspot.com/ - poems
. http://musuehaddadspiritualgrowth.blogspot.com/ - Growing from Within