As parents, we tend to ask our kids about their day, but we do so either directly, or indirectly. During the course of our interactions with our children, we are aware that, diving immediately into discussing events that occur during their school's day, or the day with a sitter happens naturally for most kids. However, for a few children, articulating their full day’s experience can be a challenge. Some of the challenges may include, but are not limited to the child’s inability to adequately voice their experiences and opinions, or express themselves, whether the child had an unfavorable experience; if the child feels he/she did not perform well, or perhaps he/she is just tired and or hungry.
Even though he has a wonderful teacher, I do try to get a sense of my son’s day, because it is one of the important ways of being a fully involved parent, an approach to also engaging and observing my son, knowing him and his everyday as well as understanding him.
How do I get a sense of my child’s day at school? I adopt several strategies, and the form or approach used on a particular day is determined when I pick up my son. Why do I decide the form of strategies that will applied while picking up my son? I do so base on his countenance, or expressions - both physical and emotional, as well as events that may have occurred that day. Let’s look at an example of a day that I pick up my son from school. Usually, when I go to pick up my son, he will run and jump into my arms. While struggling to keep him in my arms, he will then gently kiss me with a big warm smile and then announce, “Mommy, I got green today.” Green is his classroom’s Color code for Good Behavior, Yellow is a warning Code, and then there's Red, Orange, Purple, but may be not in that order. If I go to pick up my son, and he demonstrates such warm welcome, the strategy for reviewing his day may be minimal. Some days though, when I go to pick up my son, he may be playing with his school mates, but as soon he sees me, he will look at me without any hint of smile, and either look down, or walk to sit at the edge of a chair with a sad face. It is on such days that I try to be extra warm and loving.
My son recreated his school's Behavior colored Coded chart at home which he uses for his fluffy animals.
Though I am aware of my son’s daily schedule, that is his classes for each day, and extra- curricular activities, I still encourage him to talk about his day on our way home. I do so to encourage him to tell me about his activities, and then monitor his expressions and body reactions as he responds. “Is he responding to my questions, is he interested in discussing his day, what areas is he achy about, and what topic(s) seems to make his face glow.” I add humor, where necessary and ask with interest, “What book did you read? “Oh, that sounds like a nice book,” I will say, adding, “Did you like the book? Did you go for recess? Did you go for P.E? What did you do during P.E? Who did you play with? What did you do during Math, Language Arts?” Such questions give me an idea of where I need to work extra that evening, or during the week. If he didn’t go for recess, I may take him out to run or count the stairs in the building, or we take extra “trash” outside. On cold days, I may take him outside for about five minutes to let exercise his muscles and explore the environment.
After we arrive home, I will later delve further into specific areas of his day that may be interesting, that is the areas that he may be achy about, and areas I would like to know more about. It is during such indirect scrutiny that other strategies become applicable: For example, my son comes home, and is skimming over an issue, or he refuses to discuss an issue, I will use some of the following strategies to hopefully get him to say, or demonstrate what happened.
While our place is filled with several writing materials, writing pads, coloring sheets, posters, and ordinary papers, sometimes I take a special (color coded) paper with a pencil before him, and ask him to draw something to put up. Usually, whatever is on my son’s mind is somehow reflected in his drawing, or writings. After such attempt, I then take the work and express the utmost admiration for the work, and then ask him to tell me what he just completed. I try not to condemn the work, no matter how bad the scene, or the coloring, or how confusing it appears. Such narration, or explanation, for me is a break through.
Use fluffy animals, or dolls as characters to recreate the event, or scene that my son is reluctant, or unable to talk about. One animal or doll is named after my son, and the list goes on. My son will then speak about the situation, moving the dolls to demonstrate what happened, adding voice, or narration.
We play games- role play. My son becomes the other person and I take the place of my son. But he then has to explain what I (playing my son) need to do. I allow him to begin the role play before asking, what I [now my son] did, since he is acting out the role of the other person's, while also directing me to do what he did.
Using pictures/drawing- we both take turns to draw, or write. He becomes the director, directing me what to do to complete the drawing, and or writing of the scene.
Photo caption: On left is a sample of my son's work illustrating an event on the date indicated. As you will note, the drawing shows a lady, and few kids. My son drew the picture; identified himself, and the kids, as well as the lady. He also demonstrated what occured, and where.
Using still cameras, video camera, and or audio recorder. Dependent on the mood of my son, I will allow him to play with his toys, and then place an audio recorder nearby, and walk away. During his play, I realize that my son mimics, and recreates some important events from his day. I allow the recorder to roll and after he his play, I will listen to the tape later. I had my son in a school environment, and this strategy helped me realize that the environment was not conducive. My son started screaming at his animals and dolls, "Get out of here! I told you to get out!” And the aggression kept increasing. One day, we role played, and I was in utter shock to see that level of screaming, and the sadness on my son’s face.
It is sometimes difficult to listen, and or look at some of the challenges our kids’ experience, but we as parents have the tools to listen and help our children during the process. The strategies can also help us to discuss some of your observations, and the challenges- if you suspect bully, with staff of your child’s school, or just document the observation, the frequency, dates, and other important information, because they may become handy for discussing, and finding solution to the problem(s).
Moreover, listening to our children, and expressing interest in their day is the first step to helping them overcome whatever situation they experience. We can do so by listening lovingly, and earnestly. As we listen, we must also watch the expressions on their faces, and their body language. At what point during the recreation process did you see a change in their expression? Do you think its okay to push further using the same strategy, or is it time to adopt another approach? Would a hug, a quiet time on the lap help? What’s about having what we come to call Home Theatre? We close the window, turn the light off, pop popcorn and sit with orange juice to watch movie. A journey in the movie world doesn’t solve the problem, but it helps take our mind off the problem for a while. When we revisit the situation, the mood is not as tense as it was earlier, or yesterday.
I learned a lot from reading, building on strategies used by others; I also learned from working with my son, and also during my interaction with other kids, as well as listening to others. As we are aware, kids respond differently, and most of the strategies mentioned above about recreating events in my son’s day are approaches that proved successful for him. Not all strategies work for every child, and kids respond differently based on their learning styles, and their growth and development. Find out what works best for your kids, and modify the strategies, and approaches to meet the needs of your child. Most importantly, love them, create a nurturing environment; even if your child can not easily and clearly express themselves, they can still communicate. Listen with your eyes, your ears, and listen with your heart.
